I feel incredibly lonely and out of reality, I feel like everything's pointless and suicidal thoughts won't leave me alone. All I want to do is to cut my wrist, die and be eaten by monkeys from a circus. I want to run away to die alone. And I'm feeling, as always super super suicidal. The fact of being a freak and extremely ugly is why I am alone and I will always be. I was friendzoned. When I did not even try to be like "I love you, let's get married and have kids". I WAS FRIENDZONED EVEN WHEN I WASN'T TRYING TO GO FURTHER. I feel like killing myself and going to heaven with Daria but then the face of my mom haunts me in my dreams when she finds my dead body. Everything is so complicated, I feel like I am nowhere, I feel like a corpse in the middle of the ocean.
I want to die, I feel like dying tonight, but even though I feel like everything's pointless I still have a feeling deep inside of me that tells me I have things to do.