I spend the day lying in my bed surrounded by vomit, cigarette ashes, books, pills and flowers. I drink water until I vomit and once I've vomited I repeat the operation as many times as I want just to pass the time and feel better. I hit my stomach so hard that my belly is now purple and my puke is only blood and water. It looks like it's my period because it's mostly blood. I don't know where the blood comes from or if it's normal, although I do not really care so much. If I don't spend my time vomiting, I self-medicate with sleeping pills to fall asleep because my stomach causes me a burning sensation. If I'm awake and I don't throw up, I read while I smoke. The room is crowded with incense sticks of different scents that are mixed with each other, making the smell too heavy for the people who come into the room. I got used to it, it's better than the smell of blood and cigarettes. I light candles and just a couple of old lamps I don't like the lights of the room because it burns my eyes. My eyes are on fire, and they are boiling inside they're own fluids while they burn my skin. A couple days ago, I pierced my wrist with a screw. It's been bleeding since then and it doesn't stops. That's a sign, I'm out of platelets.
I want to throw up all the time. Sometimes I feel really dizzy, when that happens I take a bunch of pills, enough to have an overdose, but I vomit them all because, precisely, my body rejects the overdose. In those cases, I vomit undigested pills swimming in a pool of blood. I'm so pale that my skin looks gray and the purple circles around my eyes look like bruises
My eyes are always red, that's why it looks like I've been smoking marijuana the whole day. They have decided to put an intravenous medication for the dizziness because the pills can't work if I keep throwing them up. I don't move too much. The fetus is dead. I drink water and I feel like the puke gets in the water inside my throat while I'm drinking. Lately I take a lot of intravenous medication: to fall asleep, to control the fever, dizziness, vomiting or dehydration. I drink a lot of water but I throw up almost all of it so I'm dehydrated very often.
I just learned that incense comes from a plant. It seems pretty obvious, I guess, but I didn't know it. I get up sometimes to pee or eat and then throw it up. I also watch tv: cartoons, movies and some recordings I get from snuff stores.
Yesterday I had a heat stroke, then my temperature ranged from a high fever to feel like I was freezing. I had some hallucinations, one with a bird who was perched on a leafless tree that was on the middle of the room. I listen music everyday. Listen to Sinatra reminds me a bar in the 50s, where lonely men drink and smoke with an attractive woman behind the bar that serves drinks. While I was listening Strangers in the night I threw up a lot because I drank four liters of water with a bunch of pills that my body rejected.
The flowers are all wilted. Some of them are dead and some others are dead and covered with my blood. That gives the impression that the scene portrays a slaughter of nature prostitutes.
Now I watch a lot of old Disney's movies. I wish I could go to Hawaii.
While I was listening to Burning Love, the voice of the king seemed overshadowed by my noises trying to throw up. As always, a mixture of many pills and water. Blood, pills and water. I can't lie down on my stomach because of the pain of the self-inflicted hitting.
The smell of the perfume is awful. It smells like cookies soaked with perfumed alcohol.
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