So I was watching Simpsons and there's an episode when Homer remembers his lost dog and that gives him a trauma. Well, I'm having these nightmares about Polly or animals and I wake up with my body hurting a lot. Also I wake up crying because in my dreams I cry. Last night I lived in a house next to a lake but I told someone who was with me that I needed to clean it because the water was dirty and full of dead bodies. I lived in a big beautiful house but next to that there was an awful fruit stand. Long story short, inside that wood  stand there was a lot of animals: baby pandas in some box without space, a lot of dogs in small cages, eggs (or fetuses, I don't know) of different animals (snakes, weird toads...), a lot of hamsters in small boxes, snakes trapped in boxes like toys, fishes, I didn't saw any bird... it was amazing, they were animal traffickers. I got a dog and a hamster and something else I don't remember. I wanted a turtle when I remembered that Kurt had one but they had only stuffed turtles. At the end I was crying a lot, after taking my little dog home (a black scottie, I thought in "Emma" as a name), I was in a moral discussion.  I wanted to call the police or someone and end with that cruelty. It was horrible. I wanted to pick them all so I could save them. I cried a lot. It was a nightmare. I am sad right now, really sad. My mom said I can't have a pet because I am bad taking care of animals. I wanted a pet because they love you no matter what and they won't hate you like humans beings if you made a mistake. They'll forgive you, they don't even care about that mistake. She's angry because I don't want to go to that house where she scared us. She says it was just a joke. Well, that "joke" made me spend nights without sleeping because of being afraid of someone in the house. I don't fucking care what was that, I care that it has become a problem to me. Like she with mice. She's scared of them by no reason, just because they're disgusting. I won't buy a mouse because I know she doesn't likes it. I wish she stopped saying I am selfish and that my fears are stupid. I hate her contradictions and because she is the adult and I'm the child she's always saying "You don't know anything, you're a kid". This is not new, since the beginning of families one generation can't understand the other and the oldest one try to feel better with themselves saying they're superior.
I'm working in a book. Birdie is the only person who read a part of it. No one else has the right to read my writing. L.C. read a part of my diary last night ("you didn't said it was personal") and I got really angry. I mean she doesn't care. She takes everything: my books, my computer... like it's hers. She has no respect and she's socially stupid: I hate being social but I know how to react in social situations. She doesn't, I can't believe she actually can't do it. She acts like a boy and her period didn't decrease her testosterone.