I don't really miss God, but I sure miss Santa Claus

Am I allowed to talk about love? Like in a really pathetic and hippie way. But I'll have to wait a second, I'm listening to Gutless and to be honest this song doesn't makes me feel like talking about love.
Heart-Shaped box.
I told you about this girl from my class who lives inside a world of love fantasies. I want to be here for a few minutes. Or try.
How do I feel? How do I feel? I feel like I'm in the middle of the sea. There's no water but then suddenly and huge wave comes and hits me. I'm drowning in anxiety (No, I can't be her). It hits me with some kind of weird beauty. Like it's a wave of rose petals and rose water. A pink ocean, where people use to have sex after their weddings. Then when I notice I didn't drown and I'm on the surface of the ocean I can look at the sky. It's a starry, lonely summer night. You can see the stars shinning like little diamonds, like little pieces of the broken sun. Here's the love story of the moon and the sun; the story of how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe. When the sun killed himself, after putting a gun against his head, the pieces of his mind became stars. Yeah, that's it, love and suicide; flowers and stars.
It literally shakes my world. I can't be okay and this doesn't help at all. Why do we have to watch movies? Movies make us think about things we can't actually get and it hurts you until you finally get used to a cruel cold world.
Your priceless advice, priceless advice... I'm thinking if he ever gave me a priceless advice. Oh wait he did. "You know how I stopped being depressed? I got tired of it. So I just stopped".
The words I used to describe my love for her were a little disturbing. "You're my gun when I'm broken".
And the the hippie rhythm. So happy together. And you say you belong to me. I wonder how does it feel like if someone can actually feel that for you. I'm so used to feel this way for the people. But did anyone ever feel that about me?
Thanks mom for fucking up my thoughts. Who the fuck cares about the fucking tarot and the dangers of the fucking satanism?