Fight or flight the call it

Sometimes, I think I was born backwards, you know, come out of my mom the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate and the people I should hate...

Effy has psychotic depression; Cassie, anorexia.
I feel really fascinated by those two characters of Skins, Cassie Ainsworth and Effy Stonem. Cassie falls in love with Sid, but Sid, in love with someone else, ignores Cassie until she tries to kill herself with pills. "Do you remember when you rode with me in the ambulance after I tried to kill myself? That's what love feels like". Effy barely talks, she has a lot of love in her heart but sharing it totally freaks her out. She's just trying to protect herself, if you love nothing then you won't have to be worried about losing anything. Love always hurts because, as someone said to me, life's a bitch and what she does is to walk around, being nice sometimes and then leaving you with a hole in your chest, dying in the middle of nowhere. Skins is such a great show. It amazes me the way how they treat Cassie's eating disorder not only as the fact of purging or not eating but how she is a girl with problems who tries to have control since she's been totally ignored. Her parents' relationship: great; they skills as parents: zero. That's how parenthood and marriage work when you are a person that can't have control over his/her life. Things become quickly overwhelming and everything seems too hard to keep pure. At that point you have 4 options: the first one, giving all your energies to your children, the second one, giving all your energies to your marriage, the third one, kill your energies so no one can have them, and the fourth one is just running away from responsibility. No matter what you do, if you can't have control over your own life someone's always going to get hurt. So if you can't have control over your life, then get the fuck out, do just what you can do. If you can't have enough energy for a marriage, for kids and for yourself then just go with yourself and destroy your fucking life alone so your fucking little kids don't think daddy doesn't love them because they're not enough, and so the circle of losers keep going and going.