The sunrises have been beautiful. I feel unsatisfied but I want to live. I guess. I forgot I was wearing eyeliner so now I look like I raccoon. If you close your eyes, you see darkness, but if you keep them closed for long enough and concentrate hard, you'll see light. Sometimes I want to fly, and just like fly far, far away until I hit the crystal of the dome. Because that's when it ends and if I'm lucky, I'll see through the glass, die and go somewhere better.
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack.
I feel like I lack joy, everything's boring and I fear the night, when another day is bred. I'm so ugly, it makes me sick, I'm worried of people around me dying because it means I have to go with them. Oh my god, the lack of love hit me so hard I feel like I'll throw up my loins. My lungs look dark, like the wings of Satan.  I feel lost and I'm too lazy to pray. You have no idea how much it hurts how a part of my soul, my happiness, my hope of finding any fucking thing that can make me believe life's worth living, dies every motherfucking day when I'm just like "oh it's 4 am and I stayed up all night waiting for you because fuck everything I need to see you" and day after day I can feel like I fucking asshole and cut myself in the bathroom and then puke so I can be skinny and you can love me. I fucking hate this shit, it makes me fucking sick. My ovaries and brain chemicals are driving me crazy.