When I first thought about suicide itself was many years after I first heard that word. I vaguely thought about suicide when I was like nine or ten years old. In that age, I was just a little girl facing a cruel, bloody and awkward humanity. Didn’t even knew how to kill myself and I can’t remember exactly why that suicidal ideas. It’s possible to be born as an unhappy human being or is the world who make us feel weird? With the society came the kidnap, rape, murder to innocent people who wanted to live, emasculation to women in Africa, cowardly men hiding behind a mask of violence, little teenage girls dreaming with being porn stars and taking off their clothes for some internet picture when they can’t even understand how disgusting is the sex itself, unwanted babies dying in some dark alley, dumb people with a lot of money and clever people begging in the streets, pedophilia, sick bastards, sociopaths, unhappiness, too much inhumanity. The world is too unfair and people don’t care a damn about it. They go home with their children, they fuck with their husbands or wives a few hours later and they keep saying “The life is not fair and we can’t do anything about it” when they kids ask why is a man sleeping under the bridge which’s next to school. It’s sick. We have nothing, you got it? We just have paper named money and mass consumerism, and also pig wars. No peace. No love. No empathy. Hell. We live in hell. This place is the hell and all of us are already dead. We’re nothing beside shit. Maybe I’m just a teen, or even a kid, just that, a kid. But I’m smarter than almost the whole society. I’m enough smart to realize that stay in this place is stay in the hole of vomit mixed with shit and that world is too absurd. I hate humanity, I hate the fucking teenage anorexic girls who take pictures of their tits because they have no brain so they’re looking for someone who maybe could love them (they think that fuck is the same than love). I hate those fucking teenage boys who think they’re the kings of the world because they drink, they fuck and they do drugs. I hate rich people who think their life is perfect because of the fame, money and their extremely coldness. I hate celebrities because they’re just looking for people’s acceptation and that’s because they can accept themselves and they know it. I hate almost every single human been in this fucking world of shit and I think humanity it’s the worst fucking plague in the history. I hate you all, this fuck is pathetic. I’m leaving; finally I could be free of all your shit. I hope my ghost could emasculate all of your genitals. I lost my hopes in a world of peace, love and empathy. That’s an impossible dream.

Escribí una nota póstuma. Aún sigo sin oportunidades de matarme pero trato de distraerme con esto. Haré notas póstumas, será divertido. Vi un método que no conocía. Consiste en encerrar tu cabeza en una bolsa plástica y meterle helio. Te mata en menos de quince minutos, no se si duela, aunque creo que no. Si hago eso, que lo dudo porque no tengo cómo conseguir el helio, esperaría que alguien corte la bolsa cuando muera para no tener la cabeza aprisionada allí.

Tengo que mear y fumar.